Alone In This Bed
by MisfitToyGirl
Summary: Rachel had been sitting at Quinn's grave for over an hour now, this was her routine every single day after school and dance classes, sometimes she would skip it all together, truth is she lost more than just a friend that day.


**Enjoy and if you feel like it review but please do not leave bad stuff okay, I do accept constructive criticism.**

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_Waking up without you_  
_ It doesn't feel right_  
_ To sleep with only memories_  
_ Is harder every night_  
_ And sometimes, I think I can feel you breathing on my neck_

Rachel had been sitting at Quinn's grave for over an hour now, talking about her day and her admission on NYADA she was really excited to go to New York.

This was her routine every single day after school and dance classes, sometimes she would skip it all together, truth is she lost more than just a friend that day, her wedding did not happened thank god, it would have been the biggest mistake of their lives.

Yes, their not as in Finn and hers but Rachel and Quinn's because that same day when Judy called Santana and the Latina cried telling everyone there was an accident and Quin was involved and Rachel got to see what she was really like and saw a loving Quinn better yet she saw Quinn loving her.

The blonde was madly in love with Rachel and she did say so before her eyes closed for good, Rachel just stood there on Quinn's death bed wishing to turn back time to have done something, anything. She didn't got to say goodbye or say she loved her back.

So that's what she did every day sitting cross legged at the grass in front of Quinn's tumbstone, she regrets not realizing sooner and every day she would bring a white rose (just like Quinn's flawless skin tone) and say " I love you Quinn ".

First time she barely managed to get it out of her chest between tears and heart-breaking sobs.

Her nails digging into the ground. It was raining heavily that day and Rachel was drenched but she didn't care cause she needed some sort of closure she never got, hell even if she got a pneumonia cause that would mean dying and meeting Quinn in after life.

Sometimes she would just sing about it, mostly sad songs. And at this very specific times while pouring her soul out she swore she could feel Quinn right there next to her smiling her patented I'm-ashamed-but-really-no-I'm-not smile.

_Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars_  
_ I think that he owes me a favour_  
_ It doesn't matter where you are_  
_ I'll hold you again_

She would smell vanilla shampoo and hear her voice whispering sweet nothings to her, fuck she sometimes heard Quinn talk dirty to her. Her mind playing tricks on her but she didn't care she talked to Quinn like she was indeed there.

At nights she would sneak out her bedroom and walk at night to "see" Quinn, in her head Quinn would not be very happy due to her safety and stuff. One night she stumbled upon a fiery, scary looking Santana that wanted to rip her a new one but when Rachel just smiled at her, sat by Quinn and started to talk or cry Santana would just usually sit with her in silence or be as friendly as possible. Rachel even heard her say " Don't worry Q, I'm going to take care of your Midget...alright alright! I meant Rachel".

This particular night was the previous day to New York college trip, and Rachel instead of being cheerfull was more like sulking, cause it would take a while to come back, only on holidays and she would miss this, whatever this was. She kicked Quinn's grave in a sheer anger urge.

" You had no right Quinn, to leave me here, to...to love me and let me go, I didn't even get to kiss you goodbye fuck I hate you!" She fell upon the grass one more time.

She felt someone put a hand on her shoulder for comfort and immediately knew it was Santana. " I think you would be happy to know Q, Berry's wardrobe got ten times better she looks really hot right now" She laughed that dry laugh.

Over the course of the last few months Santana got her admission letter to NYU to med school, hell yeah she would be a hell of a doctor and make her parents and Quinn proud. Santana decided to live with Rachel and the poor girl had no say in the matter.

_I wish I can hear your voice_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_  
_ I wish I could touch you once more_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_  
_ Not tonight, not tomorrow_

It was so painfull to leave, but that was what they did, they left a graveyard, Quinn was following their steps.

Every year Rachel would be back to Lima, to that cold unwelcoming cemetery, but she didn't care because she got to deliver beautiful flowers and just be. Sometimes she went with Santana, sometimes she didn't.

Her life was a mess, yes she was making it big on Broadway and they got a bigger appartament and two cats with their payment, Santana just got a job at the NY hospital.

But, the pain did not go away, countless nights she woke up screaming Quinn's name, Santana would hold her and whisper that everything was going to be alright someday.

_I've got the feeling that this will never cease_  
_ Living in these pictures_  
_ It never comes with ease_  
_ I swear if I could make this right_  
_ You'd be back by now_

That year Rachel couldn't come, she nearly got herself killed with a bad case of flu, tried to went outside in the snow to catch a plan back to Lima. Santana swore she would tie her up if needed. Santana went in her place instead with the most beautiful set of white roses she could find.

She couldn't speak, just cry, cry for Rachel's suffering, for hers watching the girl she loved (yes badass Lima Heights Adjacent Santana Lopez was very much in love with loud annoying diva hot Rachel Berry) dying inside every anniversary without Quinn.

She wished Quinn there, to bitch slap her for falling for her girl. The blonde always had a way to talk (slap) some sense into the former cheerio.

" That's it Q, I'm going to tell her, you would want for the munchkin to be happy ".

She flew back home, praying to every god out there that Rachel would not be freaked out or throw her out or something.

The night that Santana was due to arrive, Rachel stays in bed all day, she realized she missed her friend more as the clock ticked by, Quinn be damned or damn her, she liked Santana, not the friend feeling, but the I want you to take your clothes off and make love to me feeling.

" Hey Rach I'm home " Santana greeted from the door.

_Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars_  
_ He knows he owes me a favour_  
_ It doesn't matter where you are_  
_ You'll be mine again_

Santana was tackled to the floor, soft lips kissing her, arms snaking under her shirt to hold her hips.

" Fuck San I missed you" Rachel smiled in the kiss.

Santana thought she would never see or rather feel that smile again, she tried everything, she build Rachel up, was her everything, if Rachel was sad Santana would be her clown, if Rachel cried Santana would wipe her tears and sing her to sleep, when Rachel got sick Santana would run suicides at that stupid hospital and get her a nice bed, she once punched her own boss because the man wouldn't let Rachel in. She did not got fired though, being the best doctor at the place had its perks.

She sang in bars, when Rachel did not leave the bed for two damn weeks, only the hospital couldn't cover the bills. When fans would freak over something Rachel tweeted Santana would put herself out there, get bashing for the little brunette.

When Rachel was angry, and boy she was a ticking time bomb, Santana would turn the other cheek, receive blow by blow. When Rachel wanted to live no longer, was the scariest day of the Latina's life, Rachel overdosed in pills. Santana found her passed out in the bathroom. She survived.

At the end of the day they were all the other had. And not once Rachel had seen Santana cry.

_I wish I can hear your voice_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_  
_ I wish I could touch you once more_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_

The kissing turned into love making, the love making into dating, the dating into getting married at Times Square.

_What about the plans we had?_  
_ We'd be crazy not to go_  
_ Meet me in Capeside_

Get past that loss, wasn't easy for them, learning to forgive each other for their love and going against that same love and feeling that they just betrayed Quinn was anything but easy.

The life of someone you love taken away from you is never a walk in the park.

Rachel and Santana learned the hard way that even with past breathing down their necks it was very much possible to find love again, little Charlie and baby Quinn on her way were the living proof of that.

_I wish I can hear your voice_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_  
_ I wish I could touch you once more_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_

_ Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone_  
_ Don't leave me alone in this bed_


End file.
